dekay.org

Yes, Ⅰ am still alive, but very busy writing my thesis and finishing my experiments. It is about time, Ⅰ have to say.

And Ⅰ am still dancing, but not as much as before. Ⅰ am guessing Ⅰ will rest my ballroom ambitions for a while now and will continue more on the path towards mastery of argentine tango. Ⅰ am planning on posting much more on this, especially since Ⅰ will be taking classes again. Which is happy news as my girlfriend decided to try tango with me.

dance, personal, tango status, thesis

es ist mal wieder soweit: die Frage nach der Zukunft dieses Blogs (wenn es denn überhaupt eins ist) ist gestellt. Antworten wird es wohl keine geben. Ich kämpfe eigentlich immer gegen das selbe Problem: ich zweifle zuviel daran daß ich hier großartig was zu sagen habe. Klar, Link-bloggen ist recht einfach und macht auch Spaß, aber dazu ist del.icio.us und/oder Spurl viel besser geeignet. Fach-bloggen ist auch OK, insbesonderen zum Thema Tanz, Technologie und Wissenschaft, das wird sich auch nicht so schnell ändern – auch wenn die Menge nicht zunehmen wird, vielleicht das Level vom April dieses Jahres oder so. Nein, meine Hauptfrage geht eigentlich mehr in Richtung „Kommentare“ meinerseits; es gäbe genügend Themen und Ideen über Artike, die ich schreiben will, meistens ist das Problem eher das der Zeit, wann ich denke, wann ich grüble. Wenn ich an diesem Zeitpunkt vor dem Rechner sitze ist es weniger ein Problem zu schreiben, wenn ich allerdings (im Regelfall) nicht am Rechner sondern in der UBahn oder sonstwie unterwegs bin dann ist das Bedürfnis meine Erkenntnisse zu bloggen deutlich geringer, denn sobald mein Gedankengang zu Ende ist… ist es meistens auch OK. Schwierig – ich bin vielleicht einfach zu wenig veranlagt für den Journalismus oder das Schreiben an sich. Denken, ja doch klar, auch die Ergebnisse sind wichtig – nur ist das essentielle daran nicht die Erkenntnis sondern der Weg dorthin, und den gehe ich meist im Monolog oder im Gespräch – ohne Mitschrift. Und selbst wenn ich am Rechner denke und das ganze hier schreibe – zufrieden bin ich damit nicht; denn der Weg ist eben auch nur im Moment wichtig und auch inspirativ, jedes Wegstück das gegangen ist liegt in der Vergangenheit und ist Teil von mir geworden, warum darüber nochmals reflektieren? Warum das aufarbeiten für Andere? Solange ich hier keine befriedigende Antwort oder Feedback gefunden habe wirds weiter so bleiben, ab und zu Gedankenfetzen, Teile meines internen Flusses ohne weitere Kosmetischen Veränderungen. Möglicherweise wird sich zeigen daß die etwas wissenschaftlicheren Teile etwas strukturierter sind als die anderen – aber das reflektiert dann eben auch meinen Gedankenfluss. Allerdings wäre es vielleicht mal wirklich interessant auch einen Dialog in diesem Forum zu führen – doch mit wem?

Es wird alles bleiben wie es nie war.

personal gedanken

So Ⅰ have been playing with David Allen’s gtd method for a while now. Ⅰ also got myself some moleskine notebooks and a nice pen – note-taking as well as writing journal like stuff never has been so easy…

* Ⅰ am pretty good at my lab with using my inbox – as well as processing it. There are still some problems with my electronic inbox – which consist of multiple places:

a) a folder for downloads (like new versions/betas of DevonThink… as well as literature in pdf format). Ⅰ am pretty good at putting stuff in there, but not as good in processing it. But then this is not really a problem since most of that stuff either gets dumped into DevonThink for later reference (literature as well as diverse snippets from the net, the occasional (hah) GTD hack and much more). Nothing essential and most just stuff of low priority. And then there is that stuff that should go into the @SomedayMaybe box – software updates, new applications, plugins – whatever. Just the regular digital toys and tools.

b) my email inbox
Now that is a bit different. Ⅰ just switched to Mail.app 2.0 and am training my spam filter again – since junkmatcher is not available yet. Thus the inbox is quite full and needs some work, as well as my stuff in @nextactions – it seems to get overlooked – even though Ⅰ just started to add the items/actions to my backpack-lists.

ⅽ) my del.icio.us account.
Ⅰ am pretty good at filing stuff immediately so Ⅰ don’t have too much stuff in @inbox, and most of that stuff is there because Ⅰ have not had the time to think about filing – so there is low priority stuff in there mostly. Actually hardly any of the pages in there are related to important stuff – maybe that’s why the associated actions are not showing up on my lists. (basically my delicious account is a huge reference kit as well as a someday/maybe/readlater box). And then Ⅰ usually don’t bother to check my „real inbox“ in delicious (the one with the subscriptions of bookmarks). too many bookmarks and too little time.

* Ⅰ am not so good at my lab with creating nextAction-lists. Ⅰ think it is quite difficult to write down the _next physical action_ since there usually are so many actions that take so little time – and it can be better summarized with the project’s name. But then Ⅰ _haven’t figured out_ how to really organize my lab work into projects – at least Ⅰ am not thinking in terms of projects here. Ⅰ have multiple reactions/products in my lab journal – each could be considered as a project – but then they are all part of a bigger project as well. mhh, Ⅰ need to _think more about this problem_

* Ⅰ have become much better at writing my lab journal. And Ⅰ am also starting to use the first minutes when entering the bus going home to rethink my work day, collect open loops and ideas, brainstorm and plan a bit ahead – all in my moleskine – as well as think about other stuff Ⅰ need to do. This takes about 5 to 25 minutes each day and really gets my head clear of stuff and ready for my evening.

* Ⅰ have an inbox at home which is processed once every 7 to 10 days. There is mostly mail, bills and stuff to read in there, but ⅰ feel good about being in control here, too. But then there is the same problem as in my lab – Ⅰ am not really good at keeping the nextAction lists as well as project lists. Ⅰ think it all still comes down to the point that Ⅰ haven’t found a system that Ⅰ trust my stuff to put it in there and _actually get it back out again_. Ok there is not much lost since Ⅰ have no urgent stuff hanging here – most of my time is spent either at my lab, dancing or „relaxing“. But Ⅰ think Ⅰ could be much more efficient and would enjoy having a bit more control and discipline at home, too. Ⅰ suppose Ⅰ will need to _rely on low-tech notecards and papers_ for my trusted system at home – anything fancy just doesn’t keep me interested as well as feeling safe with it. Hey, Ⅰ don’t even want to start writing nextAction-Lists in my Moleskine – although Ⅰ could see myself putting some context exactly there, like @calls @errands @shopping @u-bahn – in addition to having lists in a hipsterPDA. But strangely Ⅰ am much better at using my Moleksine as a journal as well as a thought-drop box – which basically is a storage of stuff that will need to be processed, so basically Ⅰ trust my moleskine as an inbox – but not for processed stuff. This will need to change.

[I need to leave now, more on that later, probably the next post]

gtd, personal

Last night Ⅰ finally realized another level within my tango experience. Ⅰ might have know this all along, but never this clear and verbal as before:
Ⅰ can dance well with a woman and everything feels harmonious, smooth and absolutely perfect. We can enjoy the music, play with the music, its rhythm and more. These were the experiences Ⅰ had been having the last one and a half years, Ⅰ suppose, at least my memory spits out mostly these kind.
But what happens when there is more? When there seems to be another level, another experience that is even more difficult to describe, some sort of emotional connection that has nothing to do with the dance itself, nothing with technique and if your dance levels match or if lead/follow works or not? A connection that makes you wonder if you have just fallen in love with the woman you danced with? Where feeling her whole body seems so pleasant and natural that there is almost some sort of merging happening? Ⅰ am not necessarily talking about any kind of sexual excitation happening – this feeling is definitely more emotional. A different kind of energy than just sexual attraction or just excitation. Is this what the term „erotic“ describes better than just „sexy“? (Ⅰ just checked reference.com for its definition and realized that there is quite a difference in what Ⅰ feel the word „erotic“ contains and this definition.). And it does not happen with all the ladies that Ⅰ would consider to be attractive and desirable.

This experience is changing my tango, again. After one year of dancing mostly with the music Ⅰ just seem to have opened that door again, a door that had been shut for quite a while now after a short experience two years ago… and funny: Ⅰ would have thought Ⅰ would never experience such a thing again as Ⅰ considered it to be too specific and too special. Happy me – finding heaven again – and this time it seems in the arms of two different women.

But then there is another issue: Ⅰ am still not really sure if this still is just something that exclusively happens between dancers – or between two people who meet and where that connection is more than just a three minute (or three hour) encounter on the dancefloor. Back to the question: falling in love with the dancer or the dancing?

Oh, exciting times.

personal, tango

central park tango class,
originally uploaded by leslie h.

We switched to Daylight Savings Time last night, it is getting warmer outside, spring is coming. And thus the endless possibilities to dance tango outside! (although at this point Ⅰ switched on my happy glasses giving everything a yellowish look as the sun in Munich is not coming out and everything looks quite fad and lifeless outside.)

personal